Routines have always been a struggle for me. No matter how many times I tried to create systems to stay on top of things, I just couldn’t stick with them. For the longest time, I thought I was simply bad at routines. But after years of trial and error, I’ve learned that my
struggle wasn’t about discipline or motivation—it was about having unrealistic expectations and not understanding my own capacity. I’ve finally found a way to build routines that actually work for me, and I want to share what helped in case you’ve been struggling too.
Why Routines Felt Impossible for Me
For most of my life, I set impossible expectations for myself. No matter what season I was in—single, married, with one kid, with six kids, feeling healthy, battling chronic illness—I always expected more from myself than was actually realistic.
Because I couldn’t meet those expectations, I developed a narrative in my mind:
• I’m failing.
• I’m just not capable of keeping up.
• I’ll never figure this out.
The mental stress of feeling like I was constantly behind made me resent tasks like cleaning. I wanted my home to be spotless, but because I didn’t have the time or energy to meet my own impossible standards, I just… didn’t do it.
Instead of maintaining things little by little, I would let messes pile up, hoping for a magical “reset” where I could do everything all at once and then start fresh with perfect routines. But resets took enormous time and energy, and since I didn't have sustainable routines, I could never maintain my spaces once they were reset.
I had to change my entire mindset about routines before anything could truly stick.
Step 1: Lowering Expectations
The first breakthrough came when it occurred to me:
💭 Am I asking too much of myself?
If your routines feel impossible, the first thing to check is whether you’re expecting way more than your actual time, energy, and resources allow.
To fix this, I had to scale way back. Instead of aiming for perfection, I started by identifying my non-negotiables—the absolute must-do tasks that keep my home functioning.
For me, that was:
✅ Kitchen – Because waking up to a messy kitchen drained my energy before my day even started.
✅ Laundry – Because with a family of seven, doing laundry a few times a week isn't an option clean.
Once I had those in place, I could add other tasks only if I had the capacity for them.
Step 2: Giving Myself Capacity-Based Options
This was the game-changer. Instead of having a single, rigid expectation for each task, I created three levels of effort based on how much energy I had:
🔹 Low Capacity: The absolute bare minimum to keep things from spiraling.
🔸 Average Capacity: A solid but reasonable level of effort.
🔺 High Capacity: Extra deep cleaning or detail work when I had the energy.
Here’s what that looks like in action:
👉 The Kitchen
• Low Capacity: Put food away, wash only the dishes we need for the next day.
• Average Capacity: Wash all dishes, wipe counters, clear off clutter.
• High Capacity: Deep clean surfaces, organize, scrub appliances.
👉 Laundry
• Low Capacity: Wash and dry a load—no folding required.
• Average Capacity: Wash, dry, and fold—but put things away later.
• High Capacity: Wash, dry, fold, and put everything away immediately.
👉 The Bathroom
• Low Capacity: Wipe down the sink and toilet in five minutes.
• Average Capacity: Clean all surfaces and mirrors.
• High Capacity: Deep clean everything, including scrubbing the tub and decluttering cabinets.
By giving myself flexible options, I stopped feeling like I had to do everything perfectly every single time. If I only had enough energy for a “low capacity” day, that was still progress.
Step 3: Letting Go of the All-or-Nothing Mindset
Once I started following these capacity-based routines, I noticed something incredible:
I was actually staying consistent. Even on tough days, I was still doing something, and that small bit of effort kept things from getting overwhelming. Over time, the resistance in my brain started to fade. I no longer felt like cleaning was a mountain I could never climb.
Now, I don’t stress nearly as much about my home because I know that no matter how I’m feeling, I have options that allow me to keep things moving without burning myself out.
You Deserve to Set Yourself Up for Success
If you’ve been struggling with routines, I encourage you to take a step back and ask yourself:
💭 Are my expectations realistic?
💭 What are my true non-negotiables?
💭 How can I break tasks down into capacity-based options?
You deserve to live in a home that supports you, not one that constantly drains you. And you deserve to set up routines that work for you, not against you.
I hope this helps you take a deep breath and know that progress—no matter how small—is always worth celebrating. 💛
Commenti